If babies were held to the same standard as everybody else, everyone would hate them. They are selfish, ungrateful assholes that do asshole things all the asshole time. And the real kick in the taint is the fact that they enjoy acting like this.
I spend $1500 each month on food and child care for her. Which is a substantial amount of my salary. (Yeah, I’m a poor person now.)
Do I get a “Thanks for spending everything you make on me Pops!”? No. Instead, tonight during a diaper change (which have now become shit wrestling matches), she scooped up a piece of her own shit and threw it over her head into the wall. And she thought that was hilarious.
I wait on her hand and foot. She gets whatever she wants whenever she wants it.
How does she show her appreciation? By puking in my eye and laughing about it.
I took her to a fancy restaurant last week. She cried hysterically the entire time, which made me look like a huge dick. Then she laughed about it all the way home.
What kind of dysfunctional person gets happy about these things? I’m pretty sure every time you see a picture of a happy baby, they are smiling because they just shit all over someones dreams.
“You can’t go to college anymore!”
“Better luck next time!”
The only person than rivals babies on the Asshole-O-Meter is Maury Povich. He seems to get the same amount of pleasure out of destroying peoples lives.