AssholeBaby

Two weeks ago we took the baby in for her 6 month check up. She was 7 months old. Shut up, you’re not perfect either.

The doctor came in, checked the baby out (she was fine), and then started talking to us. Rather smugly might I add. An excerpt from the dialogue:

“Is she sleeping through the night?” said the doctor as he looked upon the couple in a belittling manner.

“Sometimes, but when she wakes up we just make her a bottle and she goes back to sl…” said the father who didn’t get to finish his sentence.

“Woah woah woah, let me stop you right there” said the doctor who grinned when he noticed my obvious displeasure with his fucking manners, or lack thereof.

“She doesn’t need a bottle in the middle of the night. You really shouldn’t feed her so she won’t expect it” continued the know-it-all that forgot I didn’t ask for his opinion.

“She’ll just cry all night if we don’t give her a bottle” said Lisa while noticing the color of my face changing rapidly.

“You’re just going to have to tough it up until she gets over it” said the doctor that I could probably beat the shit out of.

“Maybe you should come to my house and listen to her cry all night while we get a good nights sleep in another bedroom then” said the father who was soooo over this guy’s pious attitude.

“Hahaha, I can’t. I’m very busy” said the doctor who didn’t know how close he was to becoming a battery victim.

“Busy telling people how to live their lives or busy telling people how amazing you are?” said the father as he was elbowed by his wife.

“He’s kidding. Thanks Dr. ****, see you in a couple of months” said the wife who didn’t want to add “Guest on Jerry Springer” to her professional resume.

“Be sure to thank Dr. ****** for his unsolicited advice on child rearing. And Miss Receptionist Lady, please tell him I left a gift for him on the table” said the father that did not carry the dirty diaper to the car with him, despite the doctor’s demand.

We won’t be using that pediatrician again.