I got a dog. His name is Miko. Here is a horribly deceptive picture of Miko’s general demeanor and attitude towards life:
Complacent sweet little bastard isn’t he?
I don’t know why I bought a dog. Impulse I guess. Or maybe it was something in my subconscious. But I really have no idea how I ever decided it would be a good idea.
Maybe my subconscious said something like “Hey Phil, this diaper changing is getting a little mundane huh? It’s about time for a new challenge!”. Or “Hey Phil, you know what would make having a baby way more awesome? If they could run 15 mph and draw blood with their bite!”
So now in addition to normal diaper changing detail, I have larger, doggier bowel movements to tend to.
He doesn’t shit in a diaper. He shits wherever the hell he wants. And he sneaks off to do it. Now every day I find myself going on some sort of fucked up treasure hunt. And the treasure is a steamy pile of shit.
The peeing is worse because he’s WAY more shameless with it. Today Miko walked right up to me while I was watching TV, looked me right in the eye and started pissing. Three feet away from me. Almost as if to say “That just happened, bitch”.
Add in the facts that he loves eating toilet paper and seems to be on a personal mission to eat the baby, and you have one chaotic home life. It really wears on you. Nothing phases me anymore.
Example: Sunday I was home with both dog and baby. I was on the couch watching a football game. Baby to my left, dog to my right. The intensity of the game prompted me to lean forward, towards the TV. It was Tebow time. Baby decided that Tebow time equals time for her routine bulimia episode and started to induce vomiting by putting her hand down her throat. Miko snuck behind me and started to eat it. Most people would be shocked if they turned to see a human-beast puke orgy. I turned around and thought, “Oh. Well that’s normal.”
Moving on, I hope you like the new site. The forum is up and running. You can get on here and discuss whatever the hell you want with people who almost assuredly aren’t tight asses with no sense of humor. I still have a few kinks to work out with the store, but I’ll have those worked out soon. Help me get the word out.