Archive for December 27, 2011
I get a lot of email. I appreciate all the fan mail and I love the hate mail, but I think it’s about time I tackle some of the tougher issues.
Yesterday I posted the shirts I had designed for the site on here, on twitter, and on my Facebook page. On my Facebook page, I also told the fans to let me know what they would like to see in the store. I had a lot of great feedback. However, there was one comment under that Facebook post from someone named Deana that I would like to address in a more public forum. Deana wrote:
“Not getting one of these!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Now, I don’t know much about Deana except that she is female, she is Canadian, she abuses punctuation marks, and she clicked the “like” button on her own comment. Maybe she got mad at the two dollar up-charge for being Canadian. Guess I’ll never know. But I would like to address her comment nonetheless.
My Open Letter to Deana
You’re a dick! What makes you think it’s okay to come to my Facebook page and shit all over something I worked very hard on? Is this behavior commonplace in Canada?
What you wrote is no different than being invited to someone’s house for dinner, showing up, looking at the casserole that they worked hard to prepare, and then exclaiming to the heavens “Not eating this!!!!!!!”
Most people wouldn’t do that because that would be a huge dickhead, borderline retarded thing to do. And most people have manners. You apparently do not.
Now, I’m assuming that because you are on my Facebook page you read my site. I’m going to further assume that you enjoy reading my site, because people generally pass on reading stuff they don’t like. So why did you feel the need to take a big steamy fudge goblin on my hard work?
Further, why did you feel the need to campaign against my daughter going to college on my page? Maybe you should post shit like that on your own page instead of using mine to post your opinion that no one asked for. People like you should have to wear a sticker on your forehead that says “I am an inconsiderate person” so everyone else knows not to waste their time.
Finally, everyone named Deana has bad 1980′s hair. Fact.
Thanks for reading and please remove the knife from my back,
Good news on the sleeping front: She finally started sleeping through the night.
Bad news on the sleeping front: Apparently to her, “night” ends at 4:45 a.m. every morning.
So I actually get less sleep than I did before she started “sleeping through the night”.
Waking up at 4:45 sucks period. But she doesn’t just “wake up”. You know, like normal people do. She wakes up screaming like a meth head that hasn’t had her fix in days. And she’s not stopping until she gets her
meth milk. So I wake up every morning in a frenzied panic like my f*cking house is burning down. And when you wake up like that, your day is going to be shit.
When was the last time you said “I had a great day today. I woke up running around screaming in a panic and then everything was totally awesome after that!”? Never happens.
I keep telling her that it’s not all about her. Apparently she disagrees.
If babies were held to the same standard as everybody else, everyone would hate them. They are selfish, ungrateful assholes that do asshole things all the asshole time. And the real kick in the taint is the fact that they enjoy acting like this.
I took a day off today because our nanny cancelled on us. This is the third time I have done this. The first two times were awful. Today has been exponential worse.
I was laying in bed, feeding the baby and being lazy. After she finished the seven ounce bottle, I put her on my thigh to burp her. She burped immediately and there was no associated puke. Awesome job dad! I then decided to transition the baby from a sideways “sitting on my thigh” position to a “sitting on my crotch leaning against my knees position”. This requires an overhead lift. (For mental imagery purposes, I was laying on my back and talking to the baby.) During the 1.2 second process, yeah. She puked into my eye, nose and mouth. Then she smiled. The combination of my shock and her smile led to a reaction from me identical to this: Scream
Some things you should know about having regurgitated synthetic breast milk vomited into your orifices: